λX: Enter The Machine Journal, Part 2

I think a big thing is that I really need to be honest with myself, when it comes to my music. This is, after all, a reflection of who I am and the person that I am (or was) when I wrote that. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my music actually does reflect things I'm feeling--whether conciously or subconciously.

Apathy was written because I was feeling like my college experience wasn't going where I wanted it to go. I...didn't care anymore. I wrote that song in my 'first semester.' I didn't drop out until halfway through my third year. So I really didn't care for a long stretch of that. The point of Apathy was pretty simple--give a shit about the things you need to give a shit about, because if you don't, bad things will happen, and then you'll be in a big hole and you won't be able to dig yourself back out. And I think that's kind of what happened to me, in the end.

I used to say that I wrote songs in pairs, and for a while that 'was' actually kind of true. Looking at the way λX (holy shit I never thought I would get tired of copypasting that I really need to find a keyboard shortcut) is shaping up now, it still sort of is in a weird way. Apathy's sister was Forever Is A Long Time Coming. I remember the exact day I wrote the lyrics for that song. I was early for a Health class, and I had my little spiral-bound notebook from high school that I used to write little snippets in and talk about my musical direction (Ha ha!) with duct tape on the front (not because it was falling off but because it looked cool--and it still does) and I just started writing a song. And Forever Is A Long Time Coming came out.

At the time I was pretty sure that it was a song about a failing relationship. My needs are not being met with this other person, so I'm going to leave, and I'm going to find something that works for me and makes me happy. And it took me a while to realize this, but that song was also about college and how I felt about it. I wasn't happy in college. I liked everything that came along with being there, but not the actual--you know, going to class and learning and working part of it. So I...stopped doing that. I managed to make it two and a half years before they kicked me out.

It turns out that I write about what I'm going to feel in the future. My subconcious must fucking take my fears and my doubts and manifest them in some Godawful fucked up way and filter them out into words that rhyme and guitars that bash out rhythms. If I could get away with publishing my writing as plain old poetry, I would do it, but part of me thinks that's not a very lucrative business and the other part of me realizes that a lot of times my lyrics aren't "complete" enough on their own to form a full piece--there needs to be something else to go along with it. Music. The expression of the idea in a complete and digestible form. But I'm digressing because this blog is rambleriffic and I don't even care!

Yes, the future. I write what I'm going to acknowledge I feel in the future. I wrote Anomaly during that break between when I got back from Magfest and when I went back to work. That song is about failure. I think the entire album is about that. But specifically, your 'own' failure. Generator and Virus try to play with the idea of being overtaken by something else, or being another person. Future is about fighting back against that Other and acknowleding one's Self--mistakes must be made, and in the end I will be a better person *because* of the mistakes I've made. In a way, I'm still sort of making those mistakes in my life.

Angel Arm supplants the theme only tangentially--because it's a song about Trigun. The idea is that Vash has concluded that the only way to stop Knives is for one of them to die. Vash kills Knives at the end of that song--and then in the final moments realizes that, while the world is saved, his own person has failed, because there could have been another way. He failed Rem, and everything she taught him about peaceful solutions.

Anomaly, though. That's a song about trying again. Future is rebellious--for better or worse, this is how I am and you will not be able to change me. Anomaly is the post-regret. The failures fortold in Future have come to pass and the regret has set in. (Truthfully, Regret would probably be a much better title for this song if I hadn't already written a song called that a few years ago, and if that song didn't suck so bad that I never released it.) But Anomaly is still about trying to get back up. A lesson has been learned and acknowledgement of past transgressions is called forth. But it's too late now. This is one failure that you won't recover from. The final breath still curses the name of the Other--this time, God, one of the few purely heretical messages I've thrown onto the album. Admittedly it's kind of tacked on but I like it anyway. (I was trying to go for something similar to the end of Hyperdrive by Devin Townsend, where he screams "SHE LOVES ME NOT!" right before the final guitar hit, but it didn't end up that way in the recording.)

Which is where Message To No One comes in, because that's a really hopeful song. As I write this, it's going to sound like I'm being a complete egotist by attaching all this meaning to my shitty bedroom recordings, but it's just my filter on the world. Message To No One is simple--if you try, *truly* and genuinely try the hardest that you can, you can achieve anything in the world. We all can. That's why the female vocal dynamic I'm planning on adding in hits--a collective conciousness. This isn't just me. We've all got these emotions inside of us, somewhere--the fear of failure and hopelessness. Generator and Virus and Isolation are the primary focus of The Other--a lack of control in our own lives. The big bad machine. (Hence where the title comes from, Enter The Machine.)

Jesus, this album is complicated. I didn't think there'd be so much metaphor, buried in these cruddy songs I wrote in my bedroom, but there you go.

Oh! I uploaded some videos from the recording sessions so far. So if you're interested in my recording or production processes, or if you just want to see me be an idiot and think I'm a super-cool rock star, check them out.
http://www.youtube.com/user/Onslaughttitude#grid/user/7CF3C12D0BC38AE2

λX: Enter The Machine Journal, Part 1

So, Magfest 2010 happened. And it was awesome and all. And I came back home. And I had no Internet. And I dropped out of college. And my car was still broken forever.

So I started writing an album.

It started with some old lyrics I had laying around. The plan was to use only two songs I'd already recorded--Virus and Mancubus Down, and I was going to rerecord Virus and remix Mancubus Down so the vocals were better. And then I ditched Mancubus Down because I did that song already, dammit, and released it on a disc. It's part of the Tidal Wave EP, I'm not gonna just rerelease it like that.

The album was going to sound like Virus, but heavier and with more synths and drums. I decided right away that it was going to sound a lot like the first Protomen album. And Disintegtration by The Cure. And Gary Numan. Really really heavy Gary Numan. The ideal was kind of to reach a similar artistic push-toward as NIN's With Teeth album--but more conceptually solid, as per Bleedthrough, the album With Teeth was supposed to be. (That's where Message To No One comes from--yes, I stole the title from an unused NIN song. I made better use of it anyway.)

The album still needed a title. I was referring to it by its D number designation, D-001, for a while. (Every release I intend to do has a D number. The Tidal Wave EP was D-000, because I shittily self-produced it.) I didn't want to name the album after a song on it--I wanted this title to sort of stand alone. The first solid title I had was Sigma. Then I decided Sigma X would be a good one, because I liked the way the Sigma symbol played off the X--until I realized I was actually using λ (Lamda). The title "Lamda X" really didn't sound as cool, but the logo λX still looked awesome. So I appended another title I'd thrown around, Enter The Machine, onto the end, making the full title λX: Enter The Machine.

Then I screwed up by making an intro track and naming it Enter The Machine. Oh well.

On January 10th, I had four tracks recorded: Generator, Virus, Angel Arm, and Message To No One. Angel Arm needed new vocals and guitar, but at least it's out there. The others, though, are about as complete as I can make them.

The other eight tracks are written, musically and lyrically, or at least as much as they can be as per this album--because a lot of it involves improvisation and on-the-fly writing. A piece only becomes part of the song when it's recorded into it, after all.

Here's the final tracklist as of today:
01. Enter The Machine
02. Generator
03. Virus
04. Lord Poseidon
05. Angel Arm
06. Isolation
07. Rust
08. Serotonin
09. Future
10. Destroyer
11. Anomaly
12. Message To No One

And that's all I have to say. I wish I had Internet access at my house with the desktop where I'm recording everything now, because then I'd totally just post as I was doing stuff.

Happy Fucking New Year.

Hate Mail #1

Checked my gmail account today to see if there was anything interesting in it. (Mostly Borders coupons. Sweet, cheap books!)

Anyway, I found an email titled "Ignorance of the Truth," with the sender name Bloom, Justin S. with the address jbloom2@lhup.edu. I'm making all of this public because, why the fuck not? If nothing else, it'll encourage his hilarious ramblings.

Message was as follows:

Hey Moron,

Even though you go to IUP, it doesn't make you popular or even remotely liked by anybody in this world. Now you may think that Im stupid for even thinking about emailing you but honestly everybody know and thinks you and your family should have been killed off a very long time ago, around about the time you were born, yeah, so you and your family wouldn't be able to curse the world with the filth and idioticy that you bring with your insanley shitty life.

Do us all a favor, kill yourself, today, right now.
GOODBYE

I think I laughed in the computer lab for maybe ten minutes.

Hate mail? Really? Awesome. I've only sparingly gotten this stuff, and usually from people in other countries or elsewhere in the US--nobody who is seemingly local. I think I went to high school with this dumbfuck. Does he really think I'm going to get all sad and offended because he insulted my family (most of which I don't even like myself) or spelled "insanely" wrong? Really? (I think my favourite made-up word in the entire rant is "idioticy.")

I know my life is shitty! I don't *care!* I like it that way! I'm sorry that I'm not living a high life of binge drinking and fuckin' hos that you are, Justin Bloom. Sorry that I'm not living up to the standards that you hold yourself to, emailing people that you went to high school with years after the fact to try and insult them! I'm not a trendy asshole. I do what I want--do what I feel like.

And by the way--next time, don't use your real name or your school email. You can get in a lot of trouble that way.

I Am From